Greetings!
Hello, friends and family. It appears that the yearly summary of my family’s events in 2009 has missed the December 25th deadline, but I have time to send it now, so here goes. David, Jeremy and I wish you well as you receive our documentation of 2009.
Beginnings and Endings
2009 began with hospitals, a diagnosis of lymphoma for my mother, JoAn Zimmerman Stein, and chemotherapy. Mom fought the fight with dignity and courage, but the lymphoma got the best of her. Mom passed on April 7, 2009. Most of us were there, right by her side. She passed peacefully, overlooking Conesus Lake. Her last week was filled with friends, family, church family, and neighbors saying goodbye with their stories of how Mom enriched their lives. Mom was mentally present almost until the very end, so she was able to realize the positive effect she had on others throughout her life. If it’s possible, Mom’s end-of-life experience went pretty well.
Mom’s grave with the flowers Dad planted in full bloom
Her funeral was truly a celebration of her life on this earth and a promise of life everlasting. The church was filled with Easter lilies and white plants in preparation for the Easter service the next morning. Our organist played Mom’s favorite hymns and accompanied the soloist and trumpeter while “The Trumpet Shall Sound” by Handel filled the church with praise and hope.
Fresh Starts
Dad is doing as well as can be expected. We both relish the fact that Jeremy, Dad, and I live together here at the lake. The company for both of us has been a Godsend.
Ed Hoener and my dad, Bill Stein
Dad found some great ways to cope. He found a traction-like treatment on what he calls, “the rack” at a chiropractor that has helped him manage his pain more than anything else he’s tried. He began a men’s breakfast group at church one day a month. He eats breakfast with a former neighbor on Thursdays and with Jeremy and me on Saturdays. Dad found that he copes better when he serves others, so he visits with friends and church members that are dealing with health problems. This helps him feel like his situation isn’t so bad. Yes, there are tears many days: tears of missing Mom, tears that bring Dad and I closer together.
My siblings have been quite attentive to Dad for which I am grateful. He has enjoyed two trips to Bob and Kathy’s and outings with Barb and Harry (many times for lunch). Dad doesn’t feel physically able to handle airports or long road trips anymore, so Bill has come here from Chicago quite often. We have all rallied together to get through the major holidays without any more pain than is necessary. One thing I did to get through Christmas without Mom was to bake all the cookie recipes she had written on a list I found. We enjoyed a large variety of cookies, giving them away as thank you gifts to friends, neighbors, the postal carrier, etc. All in all, we’re coping with our loss and doing okay.
Doing More Than Okay
When Mom first saw David from her bed overlooking the lake, she said, “You’re a good boy.” He got to share his love with his grandma and say goodbye. What a source of strength and hope he is for me!
David spends most of his time at George Washington University in D.C. where he is now in his third year. David does well in his classes, works some part time jobs and is an R.A. in a “green” dorm.
David with a few friends
He has a good time playing in the pep band at the men’s and women’s basketball games. Whenever I visit him, we usually walk to a nearby restaurant to eat. The number of girls that light up when they see David walking passed, saying, “Hey, David!” is remarkable. David returns the greeting, calling each by name. If these girls are anything like the single ladies and widows at my church, they continue crooning, whispering, “What a good-looking guy!”
Speaking of Good Lookers
Jeremy is now 16 years old, sports braces, and is a sophomore in our local public school. In addition to being inducted to the Junior National Honor Society, Jeremy participates in all the bands, including All-County Band. He specializes in playing the timpani in addition to the other instruments every percussionist must master. He receives percussion lessons at the Eastman Community Music School from the head of the percussion department. I guess she and Jeremy make a good team!
Jeremy also takes music theory and piano. His piano teacher is our church organist. Jer also participates in two bell choirs under Dave’s tutelage. Jeremy enjoys working with Dave, a wonderful man and an accomplished musician.
Jeremy has a number of people in our church that he enjoys working with and who are worthy of his regard. One is the leader of his youth group, Gretchen. He asks if he can help her at her house sometimes. He helped her rip up flooring in her kitchen to expose wonderful hardwoods. I’m so glad he chooses great mentors and I’m sure she appreciates her chief kitchen floor-ripper-upper!
Jeremy on a ride at Darien Lake Amusement Park
When Jeremy isn’t helping with a friend’s renovations, he enjoys playing a card game called “Magic” with cousin Danny and anyone else who will play. The game has nothing to do with slight of hand, but with strategy and skill. Jeremy takes advantage of the wonders of Skype, a computer camera/communication set-up. Danny lives in Maryland, so he and Jer practice their “Magic” skill and prowess at a distance.
Jer uses the wonders of Skype technology to keep in touch with his dad too. He usually gets to see his dad in person each month, so Skype increases their number of visits. Of course, texting and cell phone calling add to their visiting.
It is difficult being a son of divorced parents. The divorce was final in October, so it has been rough on both the boys and our families. Jeremy knows where he can show his anger over what has been happening, safely right here at home. As I said, divorce is really tough on just about everyone.
The Big “D”
Actually, divorce is not hard on all involved; our lawyers seem to be doing quite well. I know I have kept eight lawyers to date in business. Life is complicated and secrets, lies, and betrayal make it even worse. I wish that part would stop permanently! To be continued…
Another Big “D”
Another one? Yes! I would consider dating as a big “D.” My dear friend and former pastor from Binghamton, NY, Ed Hoener, and I first courted, after I was separated for more than a year, and have evolved into dating. He serves a Presbyterian Church north of Buffalo, NY.
We get to see each other once a week, on his day off, most of the time. We enjoy going out to eat at new restaurants, attending concerts and cultural events, and dancing at the many weddings he officiates. He is very kind-hearted and thoughtful, honest -- a true-blue friend. I tease him by saying he is more of a Venusian than I am (remember Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus?) He has been great through the turmoil and tribulations.
An Unusual Date
Ferry Street, a Habitat for Humanity collection of homes in New Orleans where we worked with RHINO
Ed and I, and ten others, including Ed’s mom, Ann, went on a “RHINO” trip in October. RHINO stands for Rebuilding Hope in New Orleans, a project sponsored by the Presbyterian Church and Habitat for Humanity. I learned how to side a house, put in flashing and blocking, and attach corner molding on the outside corners of a house. That was a wonderful trip. I met many new friends from my local area and learned to love New Orleans. What a fun place to visit! There is still much more to do there, so I bet I’ll go back.
Life-Long Learners
Ed shares the love of learning new things with me. We’ve learned to dance and ski together.
Ed looks like he enjoys skiing,
doesn’t he?
He has introduced me to hiking. I’ve introduced him to playing bridge. He stayed clear of my safe-boating and hoarding seminars however. (I’m not a hoarder, but what better way to learn to organize and sort through my Mom’s things?) Learning with him has been a blast!
A picturesque view from atop Bald Mountain in the Adirondacks
Talk About Fun People!
The rebuilding trip to New Orleans was made possible by the generosity of a dear friend, Ruth Underhill. Ruth and I are almost exactly 30 years different in age (she’s the older one!). She came up with the idea of the trip since she isn’t physically able to rebuild houses and I am. (My fibromyalgia is still rearing its ugly head, but I try to work through the pain as much as possible. When I needed to sleep at the job site in New Orleans, I just lay down on the sidewalk and went to sleep. (My RHINO friends had some wonderful “Kodak moments” at my expense!) Ruth’s and my friendship has grown into a sisterhood of sorts. We meet for lunch or tea nearly every week. We call each other around 11:00 p.m. every night to be sure I have walked the dog, locked the house, and am safe and secure. If it weren’t for Ruth, I wouldn’t laugh nearly as hard or as often. There’s something about honest, spunky, good-hearted people that makes my life feel full, even amongst all the transitions. I thank God for good friends like Ruth!
And in My Spare Time…
When looking through my 2009 calendar, I realized I completed three scrapbooks this year. One scrapbook takes me about 50 hours to complete, so that’s saying something. I created two books for Wayne, the second one filled with our boys’ pictures and their growing up. I had salvaged Wayne’s childhood scrapbooks years ago because they were falling apart. I felt it only right to put those early pictures and memorabilia back together again.
I attended three scrapbooking weekends, one on the beach in North Carolina and two on a lake in New York, all with dear friends. No one there agreed with me that I should do anything more than deliver a shoebox filled with old pictures, but I wouldn’t want that delivered to me, so I did a nice job for Wayne. Now I need to get busy on David’s books. I promised them to him for his college graduation. I have eight books laid out for him right now, so I’d better get on it.
I am still singing with the Rochester Oratorio Society, Geneseo Festival Chorus, and our church choir. A new volunteer effort is with a program called “Mentor Moms.” I work with a single mom, providing assistance and education throughout her pregnancy, childbirth, and as she becomes a fantastic mother. A few months ago I helped her organize hand-me-downs in her grandma’s basement. I held, sang to, and loved her infant as she sorted baby clothing into 3, 6, 9, 12, and 18-month labeled boxes. It’s a tough job, but somebody has to do it!
Jeremy, friend Matt, and cousins Chloe, Amanda and Julia on Conesus Lake
Speaking of Jobs
I’ve been trying to structure my days as I would a regular job workday. What I have found is that my mental stamina, thanks to fibromyalgia and stress, lasts about two or three hours, maximum. After that, I become mentally and physically sluggish. I need more income, but can’t seem to persevere long enough, even for a part time job. It is impossible to make ends meet on what I receive for maintenance, now that I must also pay for health care on my own. (Obama’s health care reform isn’t going to be in effect quickly enough for my situation.) I’ll keep stretching myself and refilling my near-empty cup to build up my stamina. For now, I’ll have to be satisfied with volunteer work, helping my dad, and spending my time on positive activities that not only help to add to my life, but to others’ at the same time.
A Few More Major Events
I was delighted to help my sister, Barb, put on a big retirement bash last summer. She retired after working in a middle school English teacher position for over 30 years. We invited her coworkers and friends to the lake for the annual “Ring of Fire” on July 3. (It is a wonderful event that no one should miss. All are always invited! Make your housing reservations early though because our small town fills up quickly.)
Harry and Barb Hellwig at Barb’s retirement bash on July 3, 2009
We had a local restaurant deliver the meal, and I made all kinds of finger foods for appetizers. The Conesus Lake Association and its members provided the spectacular fireworks display to cap off the festivities.
Another fantastic event of last summer was my niece Sally’s wedding to her betrothed, Andy. Their service was absolutely beautiful, and I have never before seen a more beautiful bride. Their ballroom dancing classes paid off when they waltzed their bridal dance, sweeping the dance floor with finesse and grace. I have never witnessed a more beautiful beginning to marriage (and I’ve been going to plenty of weddings lately!) Their ceremony helped to begin restoring my faith in marriage. Little by little I am healing, I think and I hope.
The sun rises yet again. A view out my bedroom window on Conesus Lake in Lakeville, NY.
Tired of Reading Yet?
I believe I’ve covered most everything from 2009. I hope you feel I spared you of the ugly details of black holes, death, and lifting one by one’s own bootstraps on a daily basis.
I always want to be truthful in my chronicles. It is cathartic to summarize a year, telling what is really happening, and still looking forward to facing another year of unknowns. I believe some of the juicy details might make for more titillating reading, but you can call me to get those stories if you must … and it would be an honor to listen as you share yours with me.
As we used to say in my Mary Kay Cosmetic days, I’ll stop now, but I’ll never be done!
High Falls in downtown Rochester, just one sight along the Genesee River Trail
Final Words
dianesglidden@gmail.com is my email, you can Verizon InCall me at (585) 694-0881, landline call me at (585) 346-6075, or even snail mail me at 3553 Pebble Beach Rd, Lakeville, NY 14480. I’m on Facebook once in awhile too. I can’t wait to hear what you have been up to!
My love to you and yours,
Diane at the Lilac Festival
Diane Stein Glidden
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